Nadine’s burial will take place on February 10th at 11 a.m. at the Waldfriedhof Stuttgart and I want to invite you all to take part in her funeral cortage. I’ve been with her to that very natural graveyard once and she liked it there.

There will be a very personal and secular service of about half an hour in the hall first, around which you can write your condolences into a book. After that, her urn will be buried amongst the roots of a tree we have yet to choose. We opted for this modest and very natural kind of resting-place because it represents the way she was and because I do know that she liked the idea.

There will be a few flowers available for you to drop into her grave. If you want to bring your own, you can do so too. But please keep in mind that there won’t be much space for bouquets or stuff and that decoration is only allowed on a limited scale. We’re also figuring out a restauration to which we can proceed after the funeral.

Nadine’s body stayed in our flat until yesterday evening. My mother, Annika and Johanna were the first ones to arrive in the morning, Nadine’s parents and other family members followed. Except for my mother they all left in the early afternoon to give me some time to say my goodbyes. Did anyone of you ever cuddle up to a dead body and kiss stone-cold lips? I hope you never have to. But I can tell you that, even though you might not fancy it right now, in the situation given you will. At 7 .p.m. the mortician arrived and Nadine left our beloved flat for the last time – once again on a stretcher.

Nadine was brought to some kind of goodbye-room at the Waldfriedhof Leinfelden (Manosquer Straße 77) where she will stay until Wednesday. If you want to share a last personal moment with her, you can go there between 8 a.m. and 4 p.m.  There’s also the option to drop something in her coffin that will be burned together with her body towards the end of the week. Please make sure that you don’t arrive there before Monday 12 a.m.

There will be an official service too, propably at Febraury 10th, to which all of you are invited. We’re busy making plans, but the date has to be confirmed yet.

Since Thursday Nadine wasn’t approachable anymore. The signs became worse on Friday: her smell changed, her feet an hands felt cold, parts of her skin turned dark, her eyes became hollow, her mouth hang agape. Tina, Katharina and Silke came over for the evening and we all shared the intuition that this couldn’t last very much longer.

When our guests left, I lay down into Nadine’s bed and took her into my arms. At that time, she was breathing short and flat and was moaning occassionally. At 1 a.m. her soft moaning became constant and I tried to comfort her with words and by caressing her cheek. At 2 a.m. the moaning stopped and her breathing became increasingly silent and slow, at 2.30 it stopped forever. I washed, oiled and dressed her and put her to rest. Now, I’m listening to the soundtrack of this blog and wait for Annika and my mother to arrive.

After a long ordeal my brave darling finally passed away. And no, I’m still no believer, but maybe there’s something like heaven and the girl of my dreams is waiting there for me: