It is eight years today since Nadine and I became a couple. I know this date meant a lot to her so I skipped my plans to go for a run in the morning and visited her tree early. I usually stay there for five songs on my phone. Today I listened to them twice.

It makes me feel terrible that there is no proper way left to celebrate: I can dwell in my memories, hug the tree, say a few words, cry some tears, light a candle and put some decoration somewhere. Today I hung another heart at her tree. I know it will be removed soon but the gesture was much needed.

Another one of these dates that reminds he how much I’ve lost. I walked a long way home and was so physically and emotionally exhausted that I fell asleep immediately. Being awake again, I feel betrayed by life, robbed by death and terribly lonely.