It is eight years today since Nadine and I became a couple. I know this date meant a lot to her so I skipped my plans to go for a run in the morning and visited her tree early. I usually stay there for five songs on my phone. Today I listened to them twice.

It makes me feel terrible that there is no proper way left to celebrate: I can dwell in my memories, hug the tree, say a few words, cry some tears, light a candle and put some decoration somewhere. Today I hung another heart at her tree. I know it will be removed soon but the gesture was much needed.

Another one of these dates that reminds he how much I’ve lost. I walked a long way home and was so physically and emotionally exhausted that I fell asleep immediately. Being awake again, I feel betrayed by life, robbed by death and terribly lonely.

After a few days in my hometown Heidenheim I returned to Stuttgart this morning. Nadine’s father celebrated his birthday in the Pier 51, the restaurant we visited after Nadine’s burial. After having brunch we went to Nadine’s tree together.

At the foot of the tree, the first spring flowers have started to grow. The place becomes more and more beautiful and I’m sure Nadine would have loved it there. But this makes me sad anyway: we used to share such moments of beauty and we can’t do it anymore. There are no words to describe how much I miss her…

Annika and me went through the mass of condolence cards we both received and we want to thank all of you who stood and still stand with us in those hard times. Thank you for your kind words, your gifts and your donations too – we hope all your effort will help to heal our deeply broken hearts. Thank you very much!