Tomorrow I’m going to leave towards Finland for almost four weeks. That’s why I visited Nadine’s resting place two times today: In the morning I followed my usual walking routine and in the evening I went there by car to say goodbye, tell her a few words, sing her a song or two and drop some rose petals there. I’ve never been away from her grave for longer than six days in a row so I’m a bit afraid of what this absence will do to me. I will be back shortly before July 28th, the day it is going to be half a year since she  pased away so untimely. If you stop by her grave until then, please be so kind to water the site.

Before I fly out to Helsinki on Sunday, my first stop will be in Munich on Friday. Together with some friends I’m going to see Thurston Moore perform his new album live. When he released his last one, Nadine and me saw him at Primavera Sound Festival in Barcelona. Back in spring 2015, he opened with a song that contains a message I cannot have repeated often enough:

Nadine always wanted to take nick to the Wilhelma – that’s the name of the zoo in Stuttgart – but it never came to that. For that reason I endowed him a visit for his birthday and we went there today.

He reacted very shy towords the big animals, even though he stated that he wanted to see the hippos, the elephants and the rhinos after studying them in his Wimmel-book prior to our visit . Surprisingly the alligator was an exception. He also liked the penguins, the fishes, the rattlesnakes and the meerkats. Of course, how could you not love the cute meerkats?

I’m visiting Nadine’s resting place for about five times a week – a routine that seems to be good and sane for me. But every routine needs to be questioned every now and then and July is going to be the month to put this one to the test: After being to Finland with Nadine in 2009, 2011, 2013 and 2016 I will go there alone for about three and a half weeks this year.  Again to Lappeenranta where my father lives, but the cottage at the lakeside will be another one this time.

I also used to do some home DJing for Nadine sometimes: While I was sitting in front of my computer playing songs, she was sitting on the couch listening eagerly. Torres, who wrote “Don’t run away Emily”, Nadine’s message to me that was played during her ceremony, has  released a new song these days. It makes me feel so terribly sad that I don’t have the chance to introduce it to her anymore…