Last Friday, we celebrated Nick’s fourth birthday in Tübingen. In the picture above, which was taken during a holiday trip he has just returned from, you can see his dedication for everything he does. In my last post, I said that’s something he has in common with Nadine.

It often appears to me that he is also capable to live up to the high standard of Nadine’s emotional sensitivity: During his birthday party, he suddenly interrupted his play to tell me that Nadine is watching us from her cloud in heaven. It seemed like he was exactly waiting for a moment in which the two of us were alone to voice his consolation – just like a sensitive adult would have done.

Please allow me to use Nick’s amazing action as a reason to repeat this song once again:

It’s Nick’s birthday today and I’m going to leave for Tübingen and some celebrations now. I remember that special Sunday four years ago when Nadine received the good news and got very excited. We went to the hospital immediately to pay the little guy our respects – that’s when the picture above was taken. Nick has already asked if it would be possible for Nadine to return for his birthday. He had to be told that he must come to terms with me as an replacement.

Nick always reminds me a lot of Nadine: his innocence, purity, truthfulness and his dedication for everything he does. His naive inability of acting strategically or politically and his incapacity to suppose bad intentions behind somebody else’s actions. And the genuine joy he shows when someone does him a favour. Childlike features that Nadine kept throughout her whole life even though they made her highly vulnerable. But they also turned her into that good angel I could never do anything else but outright love and protect.

P.S.: The song is called “child like an angel” and is sung by Dave Kusworth.

I have to admit that I completely underestimated the value of having a grave. Nadine and me always thought that her body could be burned and the ashes simply distributed amongst her relatives. Thanks to German law, this is not allowed and I do have a proper place outside of my home now where I can pilgrimage and relate to her.

Compared to the other resting places around, Nadines hill has considerably flattened. It is also not as grey as the others because we covered it with darker and more fertile soil. But  protected by the limbs of her tree the place stays mostly dry. Last night we had some heavy rain but her burial site remained almost untouched. Knowing that she loved nature and growth, I started to pour one watering can there each time I visit.  This had some effect already – just compare the picture above with the one from my last post ten days ago!