I’m going to leave for Southern France tomorrow morning. I will visit Fitou, the place where Nadine and I spent most of our holidays from the very beginning of our relationship. The place where she always loved to go and felt relaxed immediately . Especially at Leucate Plage, as you can see in the picture. I haven’t been there for about one and a half years but I feel that it’s the right time to go there again now.

This time I will travel with a few guys from my chessclub. We stay at Fitou for one week and take part in a tournament at Cap D’Agde later. So you propably won’t hear from me again before November.

I went to the Katharinenhospital today to fetch Nadine’s paitings from the exhibition and to meet her art therapist. We were talking for a while and it was good to hear someone else speaking about her fondly. She would have never dared to think of herself that way, but she was a person who could definitely leave an impression.

On my way I passed the university park where I used to take Nadine last autumn in order to collect chestnuts for little Nick. Now, the leaves are falling and there are chestnuts all over the place again – but there is no Nadine anymore. Even though this still makes me terribly sad I recognized some changes over the last one or two months: Thinking of her doesn’t always feel like getting my heart ripped out anymore. Instead, I often feel a more calm and warm sadness. It seems like grief gets slowly substituted by melancholy.

But, like it is said in that Dave Kusworth song she’s been listening to over nd over again in winter 2015/2016: there’s a place in my heart where she will always stay. And I would steal her from heaven If I only could…