On Monday morning Nadine had another breakdown from which she didn’t recover in the time she normally should. She was lying in bed, breathing heavily and was not adressable. A few hours ago, Annika, Nadine’s father and me had a serious talk with her doctor. He told us that she cannot be treated wit MTX as long as her state doesn’t become any better. They will keep her under watch, try to awake her once and then and make sure that she feels no pain. If she doesn’t wake up, she will be given all the time and care needed to die on D6 as peaceful as possible.

After this bad news the three of us were already somehow expecting, we went back to her room for a while. When Annika and her father had left, I stayed with her alone and talked to her for about half an our. This managed to wake her up: I was able to exchange a few words with her, although it seemed to be quite a task for her. I asked her if she wants me to stay with her in hospital and she said yes. So I went home and packed some things. As soon as I’m ready with this post, I will be on my way to an overnight stay in D6. If my presence is what it is needed and comforts her, it has to be arranged.

Please hope with me that we will get her awake permanently and into a state in which her MTX-therapy can be continued. And please hope that it will have positive effect on her. But be aware that this would be no long-term solution and just buy her an unknown amount of time. If that’s the best we can get, I will fight for this.