During our last talk on station D6, Nadine’s doctor told me that we are standing with our backs to the wall. Now it seems that the new chemotherapy shows no benefit. Yesterday, Nadine’s state deteriorated and she couldn’t drink, eat or take her medicine anymore. When I tried to wash her, she was unable to assist, let alone brush her teeth. The only explanation is that the pressure in her brain has increased furthermore.
She was treated with a higher dose of cortisone in the evening and is asleep and not approachable since then. Rigt now, I’m waiting for another doctor to come to our house and assess the situation. Her facial expression in the picture is a better one, sometimes her mouth hangs open and she’s staring with widened eyes into notingness.
I don’t have any words for how sad I feel now. With no more therapeutical options available, all my hope is gone – it looks like we have to face the end soon. Knowing that she prefers to stay at home I promised her to do everything I can to make this happen. Even though this terrible disease might defeat Nadine’s body, I will not allow it to defeat our love.
Dear Jens,
Thank you so much for sharing the update on Nadine’s condition and for the moving and powerful song of defiance that you posted. I wish we could be there to help you out and give you a break from your vigil. You have been doing such a marvelous job facilitating Nadine’s comfort and engagement, as attested by the excellent command post that you built for her. Please give Nadine a kiss and a hug from our side of the Atlantic.
And in the meantime, we shall shake our bloody stumps in defiance at illness and at the state of the world.
Sending love and strength,
Kieko (& Frank and Amika and Riya)