I felt the need to break with the series of present pictures which are all somehow sad. In the shot above, which was taken in 2011, you can see a pefectly lucky Nadine swimming in the sea at her favourite beach in Leucate-Plage. If you know Nadine well, you will be able to interpret that beautiful smile she’s wearing…

At this time we thought we would have decades left and could grow old together – a hope that was still kept alive when her breast cancer was local and seemed to be cured in spring 2015. These hopes were reduced towards the end of the year, when metastases were diagnosed. After radiation treatment went well in the beginning of 2016, we were still hoping for some years to share .

But things went worse in autumn and I started to feel that we might get only months. Now, with the latest progress, even this turns out to be exagerrated. The doctor who visited us yesterday spoke honestly from his experience and told us that it is more likely to be days or weeks.

We’ve got the quietness I asked for a few posts ago now, but it is a different one as expected. Maybe her new set of medication tells the story best: A few days ago, she took in more than ten different substances on a daily basis. Most of them are off the table, because they  were following eviscerated long term strategies like preventing a malfunction of the thyroid. All she gets regularily now is cortisone, some intravenous liquid to keep her hydrated and a permanent dosage of Keppra to prevent cramping attacks. I also got some medication against pain or anxiety to apply on demand but they were not needed yet.

I dearly hope that I will have all the power and strength to master this last stand in the “best and most graceful manner” I announced back in December 2015. And yes, life sucks!