I received “Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy”, one of these easy to read guidebooks as a birthday present. It shares the personal experiences of facebook manager Sheryl Sandberg who lost her 47 year old husband back in 2014. To me however, it didn’t provide many helpful insights. When option A is not available anymore it’s of course best “to kick the shit out of option B.” And to develop most of the strategies she’s mentioning I didn’t needed a guidebook: I’ve already started to do the little things that used to make me happy once instead of waiting to feel happy enough to start them.

The interesting chapter of the book was the one about how people are dealing with people in grief. Some are empathic, but some don’t dare to ask questions or even mention the deceased partner: they fear that their questions may stir up something. Which is nonsensical, because Nadine is present in my mind at almost anytime anyway. Instead, not mentioning her pretends that she has never lived – and that’s disgraceful.

Yes, I sometimes like to talk about her and about how I’m doing, because this issue is far from being over and has to be dealt with in an open manner. So yes, you may ask me questions if you make sure to get the time and cadence right. And if you are clear and distinct about your intentions, because a casually dropped “how are you?” is causing me the trouble to decide wether it’s a sincere question or just a set phrase. But you are no dumb fools, aren’t you?