It was very hard for me to visit Nadine’s grave this weekend and it implied a lot of crying. On Sunday, it was exactly four months since she passed away. I do of course know that such dates do not mean a thing, but they are qualified to trigger memories anyway.

On Friday, our friend and Nadine’s former professor back in her days in Kansas visited me. This did not only trigger memories, but also gave me some new knowledge and insights. The two of us were talking the whole day long and he told me that, in his opinion, I was the one who saw Nadine the way she wanted to be and so she could become that person. And that she trusted me from the very beginning so that this became possible.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate these words very much, but they didn’t make my walk to the Waldfriedhof on Saturday any easier. They made me feel my loss and the thought, that all of our great togetherness is now buried beyond the little rock pictured above even harder. Doesn’t feel fine, but at least the tears go by after each  visit and mostly stay away for the rest of the day then.