I didn’t take the long way to the Waldfriedhof for quite a while. Today, on the third anniversary of Nadine’s passing, it felt like the only appropriate thing to do, so I went for the walk of approximately two hours. I had already been to her tree for our annual meeting a few days before. But to do things in the way they have to be done, I need to go there on my own.

Some time ago, I received an e-mail from one of Nadine’s therapists. She told me that she thought a lot about Nadine and felt very touched by her fate and the way we dealt with it. She also remarked, that time cannot heal everything, but might be able to put the unchangeable out of focus. Nothing wrong about that.

Nevertheless, things keep coming back to me in a very strong manner from time to time. For example that night three years ago: I sometimes think of it in a way that appears to be more realistic than when it actually happened. Back then, it felt more like a movie. Even though these situations are hard, I prefer them to give me company for the long way the rest of my life might be. Deep inside, I know that I wouldn’t feel complete without them…

End of December and beginning of January is always the hardest time for me. Especially this year, with no distraction through travel, I found lots of time for remembrance and grief. But, in general, there is no change in my sentiments towards Nadine and I guess I’ve explained them often enough. I also do not want this blog to become my story, it should stay Nadine’s or our story – that’s why I stopped writing regularly.

Naturally, there aren’t many things to report for 2019. One worth mentioning is that an American friend managed to set up a “Nadine Requard Memorial Award” at her University in Lawrence, Kansas. Google didn’t show me anything about it, but I was told that it is supposed to “provide support for rising scholars and give them an opportunity to pursue their academic and professional dreams.”

And Nadine’s parents added a memorial stone created by her former arts teacher to their family gravesite in Münsingen. It is in walking distance from their home so they don’t have to take long drives to commemorate their daughter.

Nevertheless they do so from time to time and the next date will be January 25th. On the day that would have marked Nadine’s 51st birthday we will come together at her tree for our annual memorial meeting. We’ll be at the Waldfriedhof at 2 p.m. Feel free to join us there and to accompany us to Café Schurr in Stuttgart-Heslach later.

I spent the turn of the year in Southern France. I did this together with Nadine more than once and we always enjoyed being mostly on our own during this this quiet time. On the last day of the old year, I took a lonesome walk along her favourite beach in Leucate Plage. In the picture, you can see a spot shielded from the winds, where we often sat together, reading books in the afternoon sun. Even though I can’t say that I’m doing terrible after almost two years, memories like the one of her sitting in the upper right corner of that staircase feel heartbreaking to me. I guess they ever will.

Almost two years. If fate would know such a thing as justice, she would have turned 50 on the 25th of January. Instead, two years since her passing will be completed on January 28. Sometimes the ordeal she mastered so bravely seems very distant to me, but sometimes it’s like it had just happened yesterday and the most terrible sadness I’ve ever experienced returns in full strength. It may sound strange, but in some respect I’m glad this is still happening – propably because I wish to honour her beautiful mind for the rest of my life.

If you feel similar, I want to invite you to join Nadine’s family and me on Sunday the 27th of January at 2 p.m. at the Waldfriedhof. We will meet at her tree, commemorate her together and proceed to one of her favourite coffee houses later.