Although the doctors were quiet confident, taking Nadine home didn’t turn out to be a good idea. Yesterday, in the moment I got her noodle soup ready, she announced what she likes to call her migraine. I managed to move her to the couch before it kicked in. From 1:30 pm she was lying there, sometimes responsive, sometimes not. After a few hours she started moving unruly and mumbling in a non-existent language that sounded like German and English alternately. That was when I called an ambulance which took her back to hospital at about 10 pm. It was also obvious that there was no chance to keep her hydrated, fed and medicated at home.

When I visited her today she was mostly sleeping or dozing. So the best I could do was to hold her hand for the whole afternoon. I also talked to a doctor, who said that they are going to keep her stationary, reasses her medication and prepare her for the new MTX-chemotherapy. She also hopes to get Nadine relocated to the palliative care in D6 this time.

I hope she will feel better soon so that we can have a sincere talk with her doctors about her prospects. As far as I understand by now, a successful MTX-theraphy is crucial. You can imagine what I would be prepared to give or do just to have her on the lucky side this time.

When I arrived at work yesterday morning, Nadine had already called my office number. My collegue informed me that she was stuttering so I turned on my heel and went back home again. I found her hardly adressable and mumbling senseless syllables. We got another ride in an ambulance with sirens to the Katharinenhospital then.

This time she recovered quicker than during her other breakdowns. The doctors couldn’t detect any change in her medical state and left us the choice between taking her in stationary or sending us home again. As there would be no medical benefit with staying in hospital we elected for our home. It seems like we have to live with these unexplained breakdowns.

The main task right know is too keep her from vomiting – she needs to take in medicine, food and water. If this doesn’t work I’ll have to return her to hospital so that her stuff can be delivered intravenous. So far everything worked quite well: She managed to keep in two rounds of pills plus some pulped baby food this morning. Later, I will give her some noodle soup.

In the picture you can see her the way I left her on the couch when I went shopping for groceries. She listened to the Moola Mantra and fell sound asleep really quick. Although she lost one earplug, she didn’t hear me when I returned and roamed around in the kitchen.  With the music already finished, she still sleeps while I’m typing these words.

No, we’re not in Australia – the picture was taken in the children’s clinic that finds itself attached to the Katharinenhospital. It has a nice lobby where we used to spend some time. Used to. Past tense. So yes, Nadine is back home again and will sleep in her own bed for the first time in a fortnight – what a relief!

The downside is that she is still walking very insecure and we need more help again during the days I’m at work. But, no doubt, we will manage that.

The new chemotherapy starts next Tuesday and is going to be combined with the old one. It is called Methotrexat (MTX) and will be administered intrathecal twice a week. The idea is to get her nerve liqour clean and cause effects in the brain and spine at the same time. The doctors say that some patients do improve hugely from this treatment while others almost don’t benefit at all. So keep your fingers crossed that Nadine is lucky this time.