When we brought Nadine to the ‘soul center’ in Bad Cannstatt, she couldn’t comprehend what was going on. She wanted to come home with us and the scene that happened when Annika and I left was heartbreaking. I will never forget her eyes when she tried to follow but was stopped by locked doors and safety glass.

The next day, I managed to explain the situation to her by using the picture above – a drawing by her beloved nephew Nick, aged 2½. I don’t know what the little guy had in mind when he drew this, but I told Nadine that it shows the wildfire burning in her head. Any kind of  radiation therapy would fuel it up, so it needs to be embanked before further treatment can be applied. This is what’s happening right now, and her new and quiet environment seems to be perfect.

This also determines the answer to all understandable requests for a visit: please don’t! Meeting too many people is emotionally demanding, troubles Nadine’s fragile mind and stirs the fire up. I’m convinced this is going to change and everybody will get their opportunity sooner or later. But now it’s not the time.

If you got something to tell her, please use the blog. I installed a feed reader on her iPhone and taught her how to monitor it. Do not use her mobile number, her mailbox, sms, whatsapp, e-mail or social media. On the one hand she looses these paths of communication quite often so your message might not be percepted. On the other hand, she feels urged to reply, finds it too demanding and feels guilty about not answering. Therefore: please use the blog, it is like a safe haven to her where she doesn’t feel forced to act herself. Be assured that your wishes and comments posted there are fruitful – I saw Nadine cry out of thankfulness more than once.

If you got a request or a contribution that cannot be executed via the blog, please contact me, Annika or Nadine’s dad. Just like her American ‘family’ did: They e-mailed me a ‘Happy Song’ recorded some time ago. Here it is, with Barry playing the guitar and Shari doing the vocals:

This is the e-card Nadine sent to her dad, her sister, a close friend and me in the morning of new year’s day. She already talked about her plan to simplify her life when she went into hospital in the middle of December. I am very pleased to hear that she didn’t loose the idea. I interpret this as a sign of personal strength and of a strong will to live – she’s forward-looking!

Everybody who knows Nadine is propably well aware of her distinct altruism that sometimes reaches a degree which isn’t sane for herself anymore. Being a burden for others is one of her worst nightmares.

Nadine, this year  you should definitely do what you want. You have all the right in the world to do so and everybody around you who is even worth one penny will understand. This play is your life and you are it’s main character. Never ever forget that. Not this year and not any other year that will hopefully come.

Here is another song Nadine uses to comfort her troubled mind these days:

P.S.: I received a lot of requests for visits. I’m going to talk to Nadine about that today.

Here you can see Nadine on the spacious terrace of station D6 in the Katharinenhospital under foggy weather conditions. Originally, I wanted to have the fireworks in the background, but Nadine fell asleep on new year’s eve at 10 p.m. I didn’t wake her because sleep is way more important to her than fireworks are. The staff on D6 are so open-minded and caring that they brought me a bed so I could spend the night in Nadine’s hospital room.

You won’t see Nadine post on this blog in the near future herself, so it remains my job to keep you informed. But she advised me to say “Happy New Year!” to all of you and pleas you to keep your fingers crossed.

I got a strong wish for 2016 myself and I think I do not need to tell you what it is about. Being a convinced agnostic, I got no idea where to direct it. But maybe it helps if I let some childhood hero of mine underline it’s urgency and apply to higher forces: