I’m visiting Nadine’s resting place for about five times a week – a routine that seems to be good and sane for me. But every routine needs to be questioned every now and then and July is going to be the month to put this one to the test: After being to Finland with Nadine in 2009, 2011, 2013 and 2016 I will go there alone for about three and a half weeks this year.  Again to Lappeenranta where my father lives, but the cottage at the lakeside will be another one this time.

I also used to do some home DJing for Nadine sometimes: While I was sitting in front of my computer playing songs, she was sitting on the couch listening eagerly. Torres, who wrote “Don’t run away Emily”, Nadine’s message to me that was played during her ceremony, has  released a new song these days. It makes me feel so terribly sad that I don’t have the chance to introduce it to her anymore…

Last Friday, we celebrated Nick’s fourth birthday in Tübingen. In the picture above, which was taken during a holiday trip he has just returned from, you can see his dedication for everything he does. In my last post, I said that’s something he has in common with Nadine.

It often appears to me that he is also capable to live up to the high standard of Nadine’s emotional sensitivity: During his birthday party, he suddenly interrupted his play to tell me that Nadine is watching us from her cloud in heaven. It seemed like he was exactly waiting for a moment in which the two of us were alone to voice his consolation – just like a sensitive adult would have done.

Please allow me to use Nick’s amazing action as a reason to repeat this song once again:

It’s Nick’s birthday today and I’m going to leave for Tübingen and some celebrations now. I remember that special Sunday four years ago when Nadine received the good news and got very excited. We went to the hospital immediately to pay the little guy our respects – that’s when the picture above was taken. Nick has already asked if it would be possible for Nadine to return for his birthday. He had to be told that he must come to terms with me as an replacement.

Nick always reminds me a lot of Nadine: his innocence, purity, truthfulness and his dedication for everything he does. His naive inability of acting strategically or politically and his incapacity to suppose bad intentions behind somebody else’s actions. And the genuine joy he shows when someone does him a favour. Childlike features that Nadine kept throughout her whole life even though they made her highly vulnerable. But they also turned her into that good angel I could never do anything else but outright love and protect.

P.S.: The song is called “child like an angel” and is sung by Dave Kusworth.