I spent the weekend in my hometown Heidenheim beacuse my goduncle is seriously ill too. Working in his garden and flat offered me distraction because Nadine had never been there. In my mother’s house, I slept in a bed under one of Nadine’s paintings.

When I returned in the afternoon by train I went directly to the Waldfriedhof. Everything came back and hit me hard once again. I’m facing another sad evening now but I try not to complain. Instead I’m willing to pay any price for having been allowed to share almost eight years with the most gracious person I ever met.

On Monday, Nadine’s tree was cleared from all decoration. The gardeners from the Waldfriedhof took away all the flowers, the dove, and the wooden heart which was hanging there. I hope this was a cleanup that takes place only one time shortly after a burial. To find out, I replaced the heart by a similar one and put a shell Nadine once collected at her favourite beach at the foot of her tree.

I also returned to work on Monday – staying at home all the time doesn’t do me any good. Work offers some kind of distraction, but just like anything else it is clouded by sadness. No, life isn’t easy these days and I don’t expect it to become better any time soon. On the other hand,after having lost the person that meant most to me,  I would feel guilty if it did.

Except for last Sunday, I made my way to Nadine’s tree every day since her burial. And I’m not the only one: One day somebody unknown must have dropped a new flower, on Saturday I met Nadine’s parents accidentially and today I had an appointment with Annika, Uli and Nick.

Annika and me started to go through Nadine’s inheritance later, a task anything else than easy. But let me make an offer: If something of Nadine’s stuff comes across your mind that you would like to receive as a keepsake, please let me know. No matter what it is, I will try to find it and give it to you.