Being here in Finland, the reminders of Nadine aren’t as present and obtrusive like at home in Stuttgart. Nevertheless she is an almost constant companion to my thoughts – especially when I’m about to do things we used to do together. Like rowing a boat on the Lake Saimaa.

First I thought there are certain things I could never do again or must at least avoid in the near future. These were the things strongly connected to her, mostly visiting holiday locations like Southern France, Barcelona or Kyläniemi. But I was proven wrong: reminders of her are around me almost everytime and everywhere so I had to learn to cope with them. And it turned out that there isn’t much difference between those special events or locations and everyday life.

What I do now is try to be strong and do all these things in a manner she would have appreciated and hope that the warm thoughts of her outweigh the sadness which is always triggered simultaneously. Sometimes this does work, sometimes it doesn’t.