I’m about to pack my bags again: On Thursday, I will be on my way to Finland where I’m going to spend my first Christmas without Nadine. Every holiday has made some changes so far and I think this one will do as well. People are far from being wrong when they say that time is a great healer but they should add that holidays are too.

Don’t get me wrong, Nadine’s loss still makes me unbelieveably sad and I would be ready to do whatever has to be done to get her back. But no one is offering me any deal – such deals seem to be stuff for novels, in real life they don’t exist.

One thing that is propably going to change during my absence is our doorbell: I advised the janitor to write Nusser solely.  These are the things I really hate because they feel like little deaths to me. But, on the other hand, how strange would it be to keep her name there forever? I know I have to go on, even though it feels disrespectful to me sometimes.

She never told me but I’m sure she would want me to carry on with life and find happiness again. But I’m also sure that she wants to be remembered with love and that’s what I’m definitely going to do for the rest of my life – no matter how many more of these little deaths still have to happen.