the burning bush on the hill
I can’t find it anymore
the photograph has disappeared
since you passed away
your nephew is a student now
no red car of yours
to pick him up
Obama is being interviewed today
and you’re not listening
the lady poet concludes
”maybe not being is good enough”
it isn’t good enough for me
( Louise Glück, ….maybe just not being is simply enough )
A couple of days before Christmas I spoke with Nick about the idea of meeting up at Nadine’s tree again – something that we’ve done every January in the past 3 years. Shortly afterwards he sat down and made this picture of an angel out of two shapes that he had found somewhere. He cut out and glued together an angel for Nadine. As you can imagine this made me cry – how natural it still is for him to create these commemorative things for and of Nadine.
On her birthday, January 25th, we met at Nadine’s tree. We lit candles and strew rose peddles for her. It was so comforting to us that so many had joined us. In all the sadness and sorrow that remains those moments of getting together, of laughter and conversation carry us.
Another very touching and emotional moment was when we received the news that Jessica Roberts, Nadine’s friend from her time at Kansas University in Lawrence, had established the “Nadine Requardt Memorial Award”. This fund is intended to financially support international students pursuing Master’s degrees or PhDs in American Studies at the University of Kansas. The fund shall also be used to provide support for travel to conferences or trainings – something that was always immensely important to Nadine.
In 2019 the fund has been awarded for the first time. In October we received an email with more details and a letter from the Vietnamese student. Here is an excerpt from the email:
„The first recipient is Giang Nguyen-Dien, and she has written a thank you note to Dr. Roberts that I also wanted to share with you. I hope it gives you some comfort to know that Nadine’s memory will live on at KU and that our students will have an opportunity to be supported by this memorial fund in Nadine’s name.“
If you would like to contribute, you can do so – feel free to contact me for anyquestions. Thank you for your support! And a huge thank you to you, dear Jessica, for your generous and wonderful idea of commemorating Nadine like this!
I didn’t take the long way to the Waldfriedhof for quite a while. Today, on the third anniversary of Nadine’s passing, it felt like the only appropriate thing to do, so I went for the walk of approximately two hours. I had already been to her tree for our annual meeting a few days before. But to do things in the way they have to be done, I need to go there on my own.
Some time ago, I received an e-mail from one of Nadine’s therapists. She told me that she thought a lot about Nadine and felt very touched by her fate and the way we dealt with it. She also remarked, that time cannot heal everything, but might be able to put the unchangeable out of focus. Nothing wrong about that.
Nevertheless, things keep coming back to me in a very strong manner from time to time. For example that night three years ago: I sometimes think of it in a way that appears to be more realistic than when it actually happened. Back then, it felt more like a movie. Even though these situations are hard, I prefer them to give me company for the long way the rest of my life might be. Deep inside, I know that I wouldn’t feel complete without them…