If today’s blood test doesn’t veto, Nadine’s radiation treatment will be continued with seven more sessions to come. That’s good news in a medical sense – the radiation is absolutely crucial to her. But it is also good news for her well-being. It may sound strange, but she told me that she is able to enjoy these sessions, regardless of the irritating fact that somebody is directing rays around her brain. The reason is that she is wearing a customized mask that keeps all external influences away . Did I already tell you that one of her current troubles is stimulus satiation? So it’s good to see that treatment is back on track and that it also provides her some quietness.

Radiation to the head makes you loose your hair after some time and this process kicked in a few days ago. So we decided to set a mark and I shaved her head yesterday. I already got some experience: back in 2014, during her chemotherapy, I had to do the same thing. There were bouts of three weeks then and we decided to use one of the gaps to visit the Primavera Sound festival in Barcelona. The one day I shaved her head, the next day we hopped on a plane. Although she felt weak sometimes, she mastered the task of attending a festival with bravery. In the picture above you can see her watching from the sideline wearing one of her newly aquired hats. We decided against a wig because these hats or caps look great on her.

One of the bands we saw at Primavera were Slowdive, an outfit who were completely off the radar for about two decades. Their floating shoegaze-sound always has a comforting effect on Nadine’s mind, even though the live version is a bit more noisy than the album track:

The day before I discouraged you all from visiting Nadine in the near future, our friend Tina Zihsler used the opportunity and got her five minutes. She endowed Nadine with a seagull and told her “to learn to fly again”. The fluffy little fellow seems to be in high regard already…

Learning to fly is in fact the task at hand and Nadine is already putting it into practice. Planning to simplify her life is a first step, requesting her yoga stuff is a second. I’m sure there are many more to come.

The need to find a suitable way through this cannot be emphasized enough. I’m very thankful that I don’t have to do this on my own but can count on the support many of you have already expressed. And: In Conor Oberst I got a spokesman whose music Nadine loves and whom the both of us attended live for two times recently:

P.S.: I went through our photos and compiled the best ones in a gallery: Nadine In Pictures

When we brought Nadine to the ‘soul center’ in Bad Cannstatt, she couldn’t comprehend what was going on. She wanted to come home with us and the scene that happened when Annika and I left was heartbreaking. I will never forget her eyes when she tried to follow but was stopped by locked doors and safety glass.

The next day, I managed to explain the situation to her by using the picture above – a drawing by her beloved nephew Nick, aged 2½. I don’t know what the little guy had in mind when he drew this, but I told Nadine that it shows the wildfire burning in her head. Any kind of  radiation therapy would fuel it up, so it needs to be embanked before further treatment can be applied. This is what’s happening right now, and her new and quiet environment seems to be perfect.

This also determines the answer to all understandable requests for a visit: please don’t! Meeting too many people is emotionally demanding, troubles Nadine’s fragile mind and stirs the fire up. I’m convinced this is going to change and everybody will get their opportunity sooner or later. But now it’s not the time.

If you got something to tell her, please use the blog. I installed a feed reader on her iPhone and taught her how to monitor it. Do not use her mobile number, her mailbox, sms, whatsapp, e-mail or social media. On the one hand she looses these paths of communication quite often so your message might not be percepted. On the other hand, she feels urged to reply, finds it too demanding and feels guilty about not answering. Therefore: please use the blog, it is like a safe haven to her where she doesn’t feel forced to act herself. Be assured that your wishes and comments posted there are fruitful – I saw Nadine cry out of thankfulness more than once.

If you got a request or a contribution that cannot be executed via the blog, please contact me, Annika or Nadine’s dad. Just like her American ‘family’ did: They e-mailed me a ‘Happy Song’ recorded some time ago. Here it is, with Barry playing the guitar and Shari doing the vocals: